Growing up, I was always told I was one big contradiction. I defied stereotypes. Well here is another (dumb, kinda sexist) stereotype that I break. I’m a female scientist, and I absolutely love fashion. The latest trends? Know them, love them, am usually too poor to afford to try them. I collect fashion magazines, HGTV magazines, gossip magazines. Obsess of my Pinterest boards. Over Instagram captions.

My favorite designer of all time is Kate Spade. Unfortunately, being a technician at an animal hospital does not pay well. So, I have never owned anything from her collection; I have to make due with pining after the purses in the mall that cost more than two months of my paycheck, looking at the dresses online that cost more than rent.

Well, I was at the mall the other day and they had a big stand of watches on sale. And then I saw the box. You know, when you love a specific brand, you can spot their things from a mile away. And spot I did. I picked up the watch (red leather band, iridescent face that says “kick up your heels”, complete with a red high heel as the minute hand) and looked at the price tag. A two-hundred-dollar watch, on sale for seventy dollars. I carried the box around the store for half an hour. It was so expensive. I’m not even a watch person. But it had that little spade on it.

I bought it.

It’s so, so hard for me to treat myself. I save my money religiously. I had it set up so half of my paychecks (which were laughably small to begin with) were deposited directly into my savings account. I have a hard time thinking that I deserve nice things. I was not well off growing up, so splurging on things that aren’t necessary is hard to do, even though I’m in a much better place now.

I bought the watch.

Look, your money doesn’t go with you when you die. Life is about enjoying the ride. And sometimes, you need to spend seventy dollars on a watch. Self-care can be materialistic. It’s okay to part with your hard-earned money. I’ve had the watch for four days, worn it twice, and still smile every time I look at the box I have proudly displayed on my dresser. It is not shallow to enjoy things. It is not shallow to treat yourself to something nice

It’s my money. My bills are all paid, my pets are all healthy, I have food and water and shelter. So, after all of that is said and done, I can buy the watch. I deserve it.