Life is hard. I had to go invest in a new dozen of green teas because I’m pretty sure I dehydrated myself crying this last weekend. I went home for Easter weekend, and then (hold tight, the rest of this sentence might shock you) I had to come back to College Station after it was over. I didn’t want to come back: this week looks awful on paper and even worse in reality. I have three papers due this week (all of which will probably be a minimum of 15 pages each), and a test in the class that Satan himself designed (I bet you didn’t know that Satan had a working knowledge of thermodynamics, but he does. Oh, he does.) As of writing this article, there are 32 days of this semester until I’m free for (my last) summer vacation.
I try so hard to live by the theory of “enjoy every day”. I don’t want to live for weekends. I don’t want to wish that the next 32 days were just over, because within those 32 days are my three year anniversary to an amazing guy, four Dance Moms days with my best friends, and probably a few pool days and park days and dragging my cat on a leash to keep him from getting pudgy days. There will be smiles, and laughter, and sitting on the kitchen floor with a glass of cheap wine talking about life with my best friend, feeling simultaneously excited and terrified, and kitten cuddles, and dressing up and feeling like a princess, and dressing like a blind hobo on laundry day and feeling so comfortable.
Maybe there isn’t an encouraging message to this article. Maybe we do waste a lot of our lives wishing it were the weekend or summer or eight months from now. We all know that in theory taking time to stop and smell the roses is important. We all know that life is short and that we should live life to the fullest. But sometimes we get so caught up in what we have to do that we don’t realize that we are living life to the fullest we can manage…
My definition of living life to the fullest would be living on the beach with a pit bull and running on the sand with her in tow. It would be making yummy dinners every night in my well-decorated apartment. It would be having a job I love.
But I can’t do that right now. Right now, I absolutely have to go to college, and finish college. I can’t get around that. So maybe my “fullest” right now is having good friends that make me laugh until I cry, and bringing my laptop to my bathroom and taking bubble baths while browsing buzzfeed, and ordering the blueberry muffin I want instead of the grapes that wouldn’t hold me over (but are classically seen as better for you).
I’m doing the best I can right now. I’m not in the position to hike mountains or explore the world or look like a fashion model. I’m in the position to survive the next eight months so I can eventually do all those things.