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This is a short post. I wasn’t intending on writing anything else today. But I will, because I’ve had something pressing on my mind all day.

My timehop app pulled up all my pictures from my band’s trip to Chicago three years ago. And there was a picture of you, in the airport, playing with my bright pink iPhone (you can tell how old these pictures are, I’ve sworn off Apple products). Stupid smirk on your face, probably changing my own password to lock me out of my own phone (I was always too free with telling friends my passcode, as if it weren’t just my birthday) or playing whatever the popular game was three years ago (Temple Run? You always beat my high scores and made me mad), or possibly changing my background to a picture of you making an ugly face (I have so many blackmail pictures of people for that exact reason).

But today, exactly three years from then, you’re gone.

I never got to say goodbye. Either I was being the strong one and trying to hold together the pieces of others, or I was pretending that it wasn’t actually true. I didn’t get to go to your memorial, because I had a test (I beat myself up about missing it for a stupid chemistry exam, but then I remembered how you were about tests, and knew you would understand).

I’m never going to say goodbye, I think that’s silly. Here’s to the person who gave some of the best hugs in the entire universe, the person who I absolutely wanted to attack a couple of times (man, working on group projects with you was terrible, but somehow, we always finished it), the person who chilled with me in the hallway during dissection day because I was so queasy (but I knew that the dissection made you sick too, you were green bro. You weren’t fooling me), the person I gave girl advice to (that you never listened to but yet I always gave it anyways because man you needed it), and a friend that I absolutely trusted.

I miss you.